"I wore this to that show," I'm reminded, "and I remember loving this look at that party."
Alas, I can't remember quite what I wore to see Stone Temple Pilots when they played Toronto's historic Masonic Temple (then a concert venue) back in the early 1990s. It was winter, and awfully cold in the hall, at least until the concert started, when it got steamy; whatever I wore, it was layered, and one by one, those layers, like those of my youthful self-consciousness, were peeled off as the show progressed, until I was left in a tank top, shrieking, sweaty, and wild-eyed at an amazing, beautiful, pure rock-and-roll sound that stays with me to this day.
I'd seen other bands in small and big venus before, but the crowd for STP was different — saucier, louder, more diverse, with a whole lot more young women, one of whom, I distinctly remember, mixed high-waisted mom jeans (then deeply unfashionable) with a tight hornet-green tank top and wayfarer sunglasses. She knew every word of every song, and rocked out from her front-balcony position, trading points and gestures with Scott Weiland now and again, as the lead singer stalked around the space, spitting, crooning, gesticulating wildly; seducing us one moment and ready to punch us the next, he was, unlike so many other figures I'd seen live or on TV, seemingly unconcerned with garnering good opinions. And he was, I suspect, for so many in the audience that night, me and mum-jeans girl included, the antihero we didn't quite realize we wanted, but nonetheless found ourselves gravitating towards. We may've been outsiders beyond the walls of the Masonic Temple, but we were welcomed within it that night.
We all carry a certain amount of damage around. As I continue clearing out my house of old mementoes, I'm reminded of the person I was then, and can't help but compare that girl, with all of her insecurities and anxieties, with the woman I am now. Some of the old worries are still there, but many have been replaced, if not vanished entirely. Damage isn't something I want to romanticize, but it isn't something to ignore, either; some very eye-widening things can result from some very horrific things. It's not my place to draw lines between Weiland's life and his art, and now, alas, his legacy — but I know one thing for certain: he was the first rock star I saw live who really made me lose my shit, but at the same time, made me think about... everything. I came out into the cold winter air after STP's show that night bathed in sweat, and, for weeks afterwards, kept thinking about him, his voice, the show, that girl in the mom-jeans. Rock and roll has real power; every time I hear his voice, I'm reminded of that. It's the most obvious thing in the world, and yet it bears repeating. it's time to put on Core, Purple, and all the rest; it's time to feel the power again.